Last week was the most horrible week for me since I started working. The pressure, disappointments and frustration reached such heights that I actually broke down in the office on Friday. Went to the loo and just cried till my eyes dried up.
My desk has 8 people and three of us (R, T and myself) focus on a particular area, so effectively are a subteam. Now R is away on vacation for two weeks. T doesn't do any work. He choses to chat and surf the internet and ships over all his work to me. From Monday till Thursday, I somehow managed all the work thrown at me. From 8 in the morning till 9 at night, I sat on the edge of my seat and went crazy replying to client emails, attending angry client phone calls who demanded why their requests had not been attended to, getting shouted at by traders, etc etc. But on Friday, I completely lost it.
Without going into much details, I pissed a client off so much that he would never ever do any business with us again. Let alone that, he was so pissed that he would probably never speak to me again as well. And this was my first major client. I have no clue how my boss will react to it when he comes to know. While I was in the midst of all this (going back and forth between the client and the trader), both T and I got an email from another client asking for something. I was so swamped with work that I just did not get time to reply to that email. T asked me why did I not reply to him and I told him that I did not find time at all. So T said - 'I can't imagine you didn't have 5 seconds to reply to an email!'. I was like WHAT THE F***!!! All day long YOU bloody sit and do nothing while I do not even get time to get myself a proper lunch. YOU take one hour lunch breaks, keep chatting with your friends all day long and leave well before 6 while I simply go nuts handling all of R's work, my own work and YOUR work as well. And then you have the balls to say THAT to me. Now obviously because I am junior to him, I could not give him a piece of my mind. But this incident, along with the fact that I lost my first major client, was so disappointing that I went to the loo and just cried there. Many would think that it is a sign of weakness or whatever, but I really don't care.
It was a pathetic way to start one's weekend. I am still not over that entire episode. I hate sales, I hate banking and I hate this city. Bankers are really a bunch of egoistic assholes who just care about making money. I have started giving a serious thought to quitting and coming back to India. The only thing that makes me sad is that this is the first job of my career and am already failing at it.
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21 comments:
I wouldnt say you are failing, may be the job is not suitable for ur temperament, may be a creative job will be good:). I think now you should do some introspection about what you want from life and your job and take up something that suits you.
Whatever i have observed,from that I can say that you will be very good in a job where creativity is required.
heyyyyy Rebuuuu
plz cheer up bud!and of course its allrite to cry..its not gender-specific ;-)
y cant u give them an earful..just bcoz they r seniors they can't boss arnd n load u with work..
i think ur missing home, ur missing India..even Mr. Bachchan had an awful time initially but hes a SUPERSTAR today!
FAMOUS DSYLEXIC KIDS- (Braving odds with an indefatigable attitude!)
TOM CRUISE
CHER
STEVE JOBS
THOMAS EDISON
WALT DISNEY
RICHARD BRANSON
SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL
PICASSO
ABHISHEK BACHCHAN
U n I are not dsylexic..don't u think v r truly blessed!
goodluck n cheers!
oops i mispelled it..i am not DYSLEXIC hehe
@ Renu -> Thanks, but I know am not at all creative. Infact, my basic problem is I really don't know what I want to do in life. For the last 24 years, have been a complete fatalist...went wherever and did whatever life made me do...never really wanted anything and never really tried for anything. That fatalism is haunting me now. Am stuck in a job I dont like, but at the same time I have no clue as to what is it I really want to do.
@ Swats -> I know its allright to cry, but some people hold this notion that boys should not cry. See the thing with me is that for 99% of the times, I am this really nice and polite guy who is always smiling and who seemingly cant raise his voice. But when I do get angry, all hell breaks lose. So I live on the extremities. I just cannot be diplomatic when I am furious. It just shows on my face and in the tone of my voice.
And am not dyslexic, but do you have a word which describes a condition where a person hates speaking. I have been almost silent all my life and I hate opening my mouth and talking to people. :((
Here’s a virtual hug Rebel..I can really really understand wht ur saying..i feel the same sumtimes..trust me! I can really relate to a few things..even I HATE to socialize (and my profession demands it).. Friends & relatives are tolerable once in a while..buy beyond a point, it gets to me!
I prefer reading, gymming, blogging..basically spending my time alone..i know wht u mean wen u say u don’t know wht it is tht u want to do in life!
As for dyslexia, it was just an e.g. to motivate u, 2 cheer u up! I just meant tht even these dyslexic ppl have made it big..fir hum to ache khasey hai!
n men do cry..i dont get turned off wen i c them cry! i hate tht notion coz men r as human as wimmen..
Hey, Reb! :) Whoever said crying is a sign of weakness should have their heads checked by a shrink. I guess anyone would be exasperated with the kind of situation you were put through..n I know it doesn't lessen anything for ya, but been there done that. And regretted not speaking up..or rather shrieking my lungs out at those a*******!
As far ar your concern about your job goes, I guess I get it too. But didn't they say..the first step's the hardest to take.. and you never stopped trying to walk after your first fall. Right? Right.
So there, I dispelled all your dementors. Hehe. I do work up a good patronus charm! *smirk*
@ Swats -> I guess both of us are true loners. hehehe. Can you imagine I spend all my weekends at home and don't even step out. 5 days of seeing people is tooooo much for me. So for 2 days I just imprison myself at home so that I don't have to see/meet anyone. ;-)
@ Chica -> Hehehehe....yeah i guess if u r furious at someone, you should let him/her know about it. No point keeping it all inside and suffocating yourself. And yes, that was quite a motivational speech...hehehe....waise post something on your blog no...wud be great to read about your life as well. :D
I hate sales, I hate banking
Me too...
But again, I would advise you to be a little more patient...you have gone through so much in your life and seen worse situations than this...you will pass through this...just hang on there. There is a big light at the end of the tunnel...things will change, and cheer up...and I am sure you had a nice weekend and there is a nice week looking forward for you...
I don't think you are failing - personally I think you are doing rather well. If it were I - junior or senior I would have taken hold of the phone reciever & conked him on the head.
You should have come out with us on Friday - sounds like it would have done you the world of good.
My advice is speak to a manager and address what you think it was that went wrong. Tell him how useless T is. And if you really hate your job for petes sake find something else - life is too short for this kind of bullshit. Don't go home cox your job has a few assholes.
@ Prash -> Well I hope so too - that things will change, but seems unlikely as of now. Weekend was boring, kept myself imprisoned for two days. I hope this week is better.
@ SSD -> Yeah should have joined you guys. :( Next time maybe! I don't think escalating it to the manager would do any good as of now. It would just suggest that I am unable to handle problems on my own. But if things really get out of hand, I would definitely consider it. I din't completely get your last line though. You meant home in London or India?
Ohh.. It happens at every work place dude. People intimidate you, tease you and try to make you do all the work. But at some point, time comes to say enough.
He's your senior so what? Leave hints and tell him in nice, diplomatic way that, mind your business. If you don't do anything and keep accepting everything, he will be doing such things again and again.
I too faced same thing, and i knew it was enough. So i told same and now have peace of mind.
but watever happens, don't lose. Keep hanging on and don't run away from them. That's what winner do, They Never QUIT.
hehe.. yea, I know.. I should be a motivational guru or something.. ROFL. And surely, will post something on my blog soon.. :) Blame it on work.. or actually, my lazy bones!
You're not failing. You're Indian !!
Take a short break, think about the whole thing when you are not upset. Whatever you do, don't quit a job in such a mood. Maybe if after some serious, calmer introspection, you still feel the same way... Other wise all workplaces have their bad days (weeks or months)- you will grow to handle them. My best wishes.
And no harm in giving in to much needed crying sometimes.
Rebel,
I'm based in London. Would you like to catch up? We can grab some tea/coffee/grub, go to a bar or hit the theatre.
I'd also be happy to introduce you to some nice folks, including desis, if you like.
hey...cheer up!
happens to a lotof us...I know the feeling will have to be dealt with...but then if u hate banking so much...why don't u just come to India??
U have ur tickets planned no? use that time here to apply for jobs right here and attend interviews....
and then happily come back!
Hey Rebel, crying is not meant for girls only:)
But i will say that telling everybody what u feel about him/her....is better not done:).If u dont like the job, i will say , take a few months break and do whatever ur heart says.In that period u will certainly find something to ur liking. Ur whole life is ahead, no point in getting stuck in a job not to ur liking.There is so much more in thisworld to be done, to be appreciated and to enjoy,just go out and explore.......
@ BK -> Yes i know it happens everywhere. And to be honest, I really don't want to be a winner. I mean can't you just not be a winner and not be a loser. Am sure there is something in between. Being average. I wanna be that. ;-)
@ Chica -> Ya ya ya ya you have work and I dont right? hehehe....don't make bahanaas...just post something. :P
@ RW -> As always, I dint quite understand that. :((
@ IHM -> Yeah things are better now. Am not thinking of quitting right away, but whenever I do I would do so not cos of the ppl, but just cos I wanna come back. Enough of videsh for me. :))
@ Stray -> Yes sure. Would be nice to have some friends in this cold city. If only you would open your blog so that I can access it and learn more abt u. :P or mail me at thefountainhead.del at gmail dot com.
@ Chandni -> Yes would be coming to India soon. When I quit, I would take an year off and do nothing. Just maybe travel in India. There are just so many places in India I have never been too. Wanna see India before I die. :)
@ Renu -> Yes I haven't told anyone about this (except my blog of course). Not ready to take a break now as I have just started working. My folks would be flabbergasted if I told them that I have had enough of work life and am retiring now. Hehehehe.
Take a year off and do nothing??
Where have I heard that before? ? ?
Shan,
i know you don't have to be winner every time. You can be average too. But even average people don't take all the blame, they pass it on too :P
Just pass it on :D
I think it's ok to cry and let it out, and then start again.
There's no reason to be disappointed. You're not failing, you simply dont have enough experience to deal with people like T, or say with your client. That's perfectly alright because hey, no one graduates from college with all the experience to deal with all situations. I can only give you an example from my profession - junior doctors in this country have to work long hours and sometimes we make mistakes and lose 'clients' too (i.e., they die) and doctors get stressed, depressed and burnt out because of that and other things like bullying from seniors. But this is how the world is, sadly. The only way to make sure something like this doesnt happen in the future is to learn from this situation how to tell selfish people politely to share the workload and how to be calm with impatient clients.
Cheer up
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